Fashion: Do I WANT to look like a sexy football?

As your “endowed but cursed” Viking-Sized author, my clothing choices are limited.

*Venus.com

*bravissimo.com

Fall is here and I’m panicking a little. I love Freepeople.com, but there is not a boob anywhere. I’m still waiting for the UK brand Bravissimo to have some more winter styles and Venus seems very weirdly “laced up” for fall 2018.

I’m not sure if Venus have heard of Instagram.

You know, the social media site with many cute trendy ladies sporting easy long-hem tanks with cardis, leggings, and chelsea boots?

Fall 2018 and Venus’s designers are stuck on the American football.

I do love Carlyjeanlosangeles – their fabrics and So Cal style, but let’s face it, none of the clothing or models are made for an “E” cup. “Well, this tank top is adorable and feels great, but fits like a bra. I probably need a bellychain to finish covering me…I know I’ll fit in at the small post office here in Sedoner; I just need some purple harem pants to go with it… Just ask Mr. W. who was recently horrified by a 90 year old lady sporting this look at the poste.”

I can’t help it, I was drawn this way. Just like Jessica Rabbit since 1976. Though then my nickname was “Dolly Parton”. At 8.

Kids are jerks.

And I don’t know what the dealio is with keyhole clothing. It feels too breezy AND I feel self-conscious. “Did I wear the right bra? Why is it SO COLD in here?! If there was a faux fur bra with wide wide straps, would I wear it?”

Yes.

I believe I would.

Image modified from Venus.2018

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