It’s not you, it’s the toaster

We’re into month 5 at our new place and we and several guests have christened the house and our alarm system with the aroma of smoke and burnt toast.

When the alarm company phoned, Mr. W. scrambled his brain trying to remember our secret word to reset the alarm:

“Orphan Annie?”


“Krispy Kreme?”

We are all toast veterans, so how could this be?

The sellers left this swank-looking-4-slotter behind. At first I thought “oh how nice!” Now I realise this isn’t the first janky thing we’ve had to replace. The patio heater and blinds also went out just before Christmas. I think we shall dub this toaster “Burney McToastFace”.

We looked up said toaster on Amazon.

And read the bad reviews:

“Burns toast like nobody’s business! Don’t even donate it!”


We looked at other new toasters. No shortage of bad reviews.

I recalled a bad Krupps egg cooker I bought years ago and got rid of as soon as I experienced Mr. W’s Oster vintage egg poacher.

On ebay, I looked at a vintage well-made Sunbeam toaster, made in the USA, from 1960 with fondness. As a kid, at age 3, I could make toast, slowly watching bread dissapear into toaster-cooking-depth and slowly rise to present perfect toast. We nearly got the nostolgic Sunbeam, but were concerned about the old-timey electrical cord.

The new toaster, made in China, is on its way to our aromatic house.

And we bought the $4, 4 year warranty with fingers crossed.

As for Burney McToastFace, well, you can guess what his fate might be.

In the meantime, I do have an idea for a new alarm password…

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