I had these dreams last Christmas, you see, of running with the wind in my hair and the Red Rocks all around. Like when I was a kid, but with a cool hydration backpack and Usan Bolt bright neon shoes. I got to do it a few times and it was wonderful and couldn’t wait until the cold returned so I could reap the rewards of 2 years of stealth packing and moving and cleaning.
On November 30th, 2017 my dream was taken from me.
Day 11 in Pelvic Floor Dysfunction (PFD) Land.
Sunday. Lots of boring time in bed. I didn’t think I could do one more episode of “Little Women LA”. With it’s vast smattering of cheap jewelry from Claire’s in every episode, it doesn’t dissapoint, but the lethargic editing wears on me. Then I had a thought: What if I gear up for a run but just stand in the driveway? At 4PM, I did that listening to “Sunday Bloody Sunday” by U2 on my phone. And tears welled. Ok, let’s try walking slowly up the driveway to the top of the street.
Not an old lady with a slight limp, a hip hop star. Purposeful with a trepid gait.
I stopped to be careful. More tears. I needed to feel that wind. Creeping along gingerly. Yes.
Would I be ok just ambling to this set of bushes? Maybe. I would still push wheels in a wheelchair up and down these hills to feel that wind with these rocks. Yes.
Maybe I could RUN soon?!
Walk first if it is relaxing.
“But my DREAM!”
The following voice could either be Voldemort or Glenda The Good Witch, in my head it sounds more Voldemort, who we all know is sensible and encouraging: Let’s see how things go. That’s muscle contraction, you need for those muscles to stretch out. You realised today that others are fighting with equipment inside them that you’ve never heard of and abusive family members who tell them to “just get over it!” Bladder pumps and regulators, and other kinds of hell, so give your dream a little grace.
Then maybe walking.
Another Sunday is just around the Red corner.
Btw, I probably overdid it yesterday doing this. My pelvis feels “creepy”, uncomfortable today. Ugh.
Back to watching the bad jewelry….