I have a year of no more eyelash extensions ahead of me. (1 big operation and 5 mini ones. It seems I have Levator Ani Syndrome of the pelvis-in constant spasm requiring anesthesia and Botox-isn’t it grand?)

A year of not Waking Up Cute; waking up looking more like Ron Weasley.

So what to do?

Some options:

*Ignore it-really? No. I turn 50 in less than a year.

*Head to the ER and exclaim, “Help! I was born without LASHES for God’s sake!..”?

*Physician’s Formula mascara plus fibres?-I tested them last night. Prone to waking up looking like Ron again but with smudges.

*Glue-ons? -ah, the old tried and true, easy, but prone to waking up looking like the bodyless 1-lashed babydoll head belonging to Sid, the crap kid living across from Andy in Toy Story?

*Magnetic lashes?-I gave them a try but here I am printing the return label for Amazon. Why?

-They are for giant, Anime’-sized eyeballs

-There are only 2 big magnets anchored at either end

The ladies in the promo video showing how easy it is to “click” these on have to be wasted. Smiling, faces full of glee. I tried everything except standing on my head to get these things on.

I suspect I will get some tried-and-true glue-ons in a 1000 pack and gallon of glue from Costco…

Image modified from 1995. Toy Story. Disney Pixar