I’m not sure why Shape magazine shows up in our mailbox each month but it does. It’s free.

Maybe someone I know sent me a gift subscription and really doesn’t know how much I prefer Hallmark movies and a duvet to my gym downstairs.

Anyway, I have a bone to pick with the “Days 1-5” workout outfit lists and silly gym-wear ideas(other mags).

“Day 1: Snazzy multicoloured onsie jumpsuit will have YOU calling the shots at yoga! $180”

No it won’t.

It will have me worrying about paying $180 to get nekked to use the restroom 3x during my workout.

“Day 2: “Super cute terry short shorts paired with our braless hoodie will kick your cardio into high gear!”

No. It won’t.

My legs and other bits will be flapping in the wind like a basset hound on a road trip.

“Day 3:…”

Just stop.

I’m stopping this nonsense right now.

I don’t need a designer workout outfit for each workday. I get that it’s meant to motivate. But this is dumb and expensive ($1618 after adding up their list).

Ah hem..

Day 3:

My lovely duvet will go great with the sofa and Hallmark channel while I sip on coffee before my 2 pm 10 minute weightlifting workout. For that workout I will pair my bra tank on a hook I used from last week that doesn’t reek with my bike shorts on the floor from last week that don’t reek with my soft grandma shoes. I think I spent less than $50 on the lot last year.

I get that Shape’s demographic is

not me

but the 30-somethings workin’ out during the week are decimating their workouts with Saturday mimosa brunch and Sunday Funday which includes more mimosas and fried chicken and waffles.

I know.

We live in the cool party part of town and I’ve seen them.

Quite possibly sporting a onsie and a ponytail.

Photo modified from Shape magazine. October 2015. page 74.