When I was laid off this Spring, the contents of a 25 year career were delivered in 11 boxes to my apartment.
Having worked since age 10, I was traumatized.
In truth, I am being treated for PTSD because the night terrors got so bad.
This past Tuesday night’s were the worst.
I was awake at 1 AM and thinking about that closet.
Items I set aside for eBay were in there. Those boxes were crushing my soul.
Remember Poe’s “Fall of the House of Usher” when the wall begins to have a heartbeat because people were buried alive behind a false wall?
Well, the boxes had a similar effect.
“Boom boom…boom boom..”
I felt that I could not go anywhere or do anything until I had photographed, listed and sold each item.
And that thought made me sad and panicky.
I can deal with listing clothes on Tradesy because I love clothes.
Scads of knick knacks. No.
Encouraged by my husband, I got rid of those “Usher” boxes today.
And I felt a huge relief.
And I realised that most of the stuff was kind of yard sale value at best and that someone else might just looove some of the things that I no longer needed.
I estimated I could have about $300 at most from the stuff. And what would I have done with the money anyway? Given it to someone in dire need probably; a waitress working on Thanksgiving, someone fighting cancer or a grad student doing research on endo.
So, I packed up a mix of 11 bags and boxes, loaded my car, and drove straight to Goodwill.
I kept my master’s diploma- because it was expensive and I stood up to many bullies and worked so hard for it.
There were 2 women who graduated the College of Mines and Engineering that year.
And I was one of them.
And walking across that stage at age 26 was the proudest moment of my life.
The stress and bullying inside those boxes is gone now.
And my mind is happy and content again.
One thought on “Trigger closet and PTSD”
It is stressful going through a layoff! I was laid off this past January when the company I had worked for closed its doors. I just keep telling myself to take it one day at a time.