We Bought the Farm

Well the ranch really.

We kept at it. Chip chip.chippin’ away at the mortgage….

Keep reading.

Giraffes are involved.

The payoff check is in the mail.

Can you imagine life with NO PAYMENTS?!

We’re weird.

My favourite part of calling the mortgage company is the reaction.

It’s as if I have announced a breakup and should have sent condolence chocolates prior.

“You you want to PAY IT OFF?!” they stammer.

“Yes! We got really GAZELLE-INTENSE this year!” I squeeked OUT LOUD.


The Dave Ramsey reference is lost on them and I am transferred.

Gazelle intense refers to the fact that on the plains, the gazelle must PAY ATTENTION or IT WILL BE EATEN BY THE CHEETAH!

Another lady comes on the phone, has trouble with her computer, and suddenly I am asked all the pertinent security and sanity questions that roll off my tongue

“…32 Wallaby Way

Proof that I am Mrs. Gazelle.

Another transfer.

Finally the mortgage cheetah who has seen a farm-buying gazelle before or at least heard of these elusive critters.

I’m shaking with excitement as I write the account number, the payoff amount, the check and the sticky note “loan payoff”
-with a smiley :)

I take a pic of the check and send to my husband, Mr. Gazelle.

This is one of the few times I have rushed to the mailbox on the other side of the building.


The borrower is SLAVE to the lender.

You are the mortgage company’s next meal if you do not pay.

There is some good irony to this story.

You see, the ranch was a drive thru zoo years ago with giraffes and other exotics. The tall giraffe pen and tall barn still stand. The pen is used to rustle cattle into their trailer to and from properties. The tall barn is home to skunks probably and might make a good “practice structure” for the Shiro fire department…

I like to imagine the ranch with the exotic beasts sometimes.

Gazelles playing, giraffes lumbering

and not a cheetah in sight.


4 thoughts on “We Bought the Farm

  1. The last line gave me chills! I have been enjoying your posts! I met you at the Jon Acuff meet up, I’m the math person who also teaches fitness classes and sells skin care. Thanks for the entertainment! -Robin

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