How to weigh yourself

Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would need to write a “how to” about this.

Every woman who has ever dieted-pretty much all of us- knows these rules but my adorable husband does not.

He has his own 1 step method of weighing himself:

1. step on the scale fully clothed, after dinner, preferably while holding an acme anvil.

I shake my head as though he has consulted an evil soothsayer…

So, rules of weighing here:
1. Be sure that your scale is calibrated to “evil nurse at Dr’s office”. That way you will not have a complex AND an infection simultaneously.

2. Weigh first thing in the morning after using the restroom before water or coffee.

3. Remove all clothing and jewelry

and anvils.

4. Step gingerly onto the scale, gripping nearby sink or towel rack so as not to upset the scale gods.

5. Close both eyes. Open your left eye to peek at the number.

6. Mutter your favourite swearword such as “fiddlestickers!”

7. Check yourself for any forgotten Hip Hop jewelry….ah…”I woke up in a new Bugatti…”

8. Repeat steps 4-6.

9. For a quick ego booster, switch your scale to kilograms if you know how….

10. Now cuddle yourself in your robe and have a nice cup of coffee.


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