The bird box

Two years into living at our new condo, we’re getting organized.

While sorting through papers, I found these little notes that I wrote 10 years ago, and it reminded me of The Bird Box.

The Bird Box was a gift from a caring friend. She painted the wooden box purple and put a bird on top of it. She said “write your worries on a note and put it into the box. The bird carries it up to God and God will take care if it.”

10 years ago, disabled from a spinal injury, suffering from surgical menopause, existing on an air mattress and deeply in debt, I couldn’t imagine how.

But I gave the little purple bird a chance.

Some days I would write 10 notes when my hand was able and put them into the box.

I had so many worries.

Soon, the notes began to be answered. When they were I would write “thank you”.

Now I had hope.

A silly purple box was something.

I really did imagine the bird taking those worries to my higher power. I say “higher power” because I didn’t believe in God at the time.

How could I?

My body and my first marriage were crippled and broken.

The only higher power I could muster was My Chemical Romance.

Angry Emo Goth band.

They sang what I felt and could not say.

Gerard Way carries a casket in the rain for “Helena”- the ode to his grandmother who had just died. Incidentally, it just happened to rain that day in LA.

It was something.

Soon my spine began to heal.

I began to lift weights.

I took control of debt in my name.

2 years later, I went to MCR’s mosh pits alone in Phoenix, Austin and Houston 3x. I felt brave because I knew of the threat of re injury to my spine. It gave me hope and strength and I didn’t feel so alone.

Courage lies in knowing the danger.

Soon I was writing more “thank you’s” on the little notes than worries.

After the last MCR concert, I gave the purple box to a friend who was hurting just as badly as I had been.

I gave the instruction:
“Write down your worries. The little bird will take them up to God. God will handle them for you.”

And so He has.


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