A friend once told me “you will not have to go snooping for a answer, God will reveal it to you.”

I was reading my Pearson Cambell’s 8th edition Biology book and the chapter was on carbon molecules, specifically Isomers. Isomers are molecules that have the same makeup of atoms, but are arranged differently. The example given was of L-dopa and R-dopa; 2 isomers used in treating Parkinson’s disease.

And then I thought of my ex father-in-law who suffered from that horrid disease since the early 2000’s.

He was a brilliant mechanical engineer, whose body was slowly and horridly taken from him. It broke my heart to see him trembling and barely able to speak when I last saw him in the summer of 2008. My ex-mother-in-law was as exhausted from the burden as was he, often yelling and snapping at him. It was an uncomfortable 3 days and I was glad to leave and hug him and say “I love you” in person and “goodbye” in my heart. It was just before I filed for divorce a month later.

Each year I would google him for any news. Crickets for 6 years until today.

He had died in April, just months after the death of my beloved stepdad, “Papi”.

The obituary named my ex and my ex in-laws daughter and her toddler son, so it was quite easy to Internet-search and get some answers. I mean none of them harm or ill-will, I just had felt forgotten for many years. As if 20 years had meant nothing.

I visited an online memory book and wrote some kind words as “anonymous”.

And I remembered the heart-felt talks he and I had about our health challenges. That there were times we felt so low and in despair. And early on, after he was diagnosed, he read all the “kids” (my ex, the sister and me) his will. “I consider you a daughter.” Yet division of anything would go mostly to his “real” kids. I didn’t care about any money or property. I have stood on my own two feet and created my own life and now have someone fabulous with which to share it. It was the stab in the heart of being told I was a “daughter” yet really not. I began to feel less and less a part of that family since that day.

In seeing the obituary, it opened wounds but as I write this I realised that neither spouse was listed as a son or daughter.