Did endo save me from abuse?

Keep reading…you will see what this has to do with wealth and health…

The news of Janay Rice and “why did I stay” stirred up horrid memories of my past.

2004. I was recovering from my last endo surgery wherein the endo found its way inside my bladder, on my last ovary and the adhesions had taken my malrotated colon (the thing that killed the young blonde actress from the Poltergeist films) prisoner and glued it to my spine.

As I recuperated in bed, I found a website from daytime tv that would light the fire of my financial and marital mess: http://www.lowermybills.com

I could
*Clean up my credit at
http://www.annualcreditrepirt.com
*refinance my house
*refinance my car
*lower my electric bill
*begin to close credit accounts

Months later in 2005, I had a spinal injury involving my neck and motor skills caused from years at a computer before much was known and practiced about ergonomics. Not only was I suddenly in surgical menopause in my early 30’s, my left arm had become a claw and I could not hold my head up without a neck brace. In addition, my speech had become stuttered. Turns out the the body’s nerve roots begin at the neck.

Only God and my chiropractor believed me. I felt so alone.

My employer at the time would not allow me to work with a neck brace, so I spent months disabled on my back with a device called a laptop buddy and Dragon Naturally Speaking, determined to find a way.

One evening, I was speaking a letter to my grandmother who will be 101 in November. My ex, in the next room barked “omg! You’re driving me crazy with that! Be quiet!”

Tears rolled down my cheek. My throat tightened.

Not only was I alone, I was trapped. In a mentally abusive marriage-with an increasingly unpredictable addict; Internet, war games, gambling, alcohol, drugs-you name it.

And a mountain of debt.

That night, unable to sleep, I stared at the gun case…

And then, I thought of my niece and nephews: “I don’t want them to be the kids that had the ‘crazy aunt’ who offed herself. What kind if legacy would that be?” So I cried and cried into the fur of my 2 soft doggies and begged my higher power to help me.

I began to plan. Hard.

Dividing assets. Cleaning up my debts. Having my ex sign for refinancing where possible (at least he wasn’t onto me yet). Buying hardly anything for myself. I would go to the second-hand store and ask “does this get me closer to my goal or farther?” I would put the items back down.

Now I had a purpose. The hell if I would be bullied at work or home.

The reason I stayed?
Financially, I couldn’t see making it on my own with “payments”.

I thought 33 was old and no one else would love me. Negative attention was better than no attention. The payoff in the past was having others pity me. I didn’t want to be that woman anymore.

I was going to get out-even if it took me years. It took only 3. I also left that job at the same time because my heart was just broken.

I had a vision: I would wake up in the morning and have my coffee with my doggies in a modest home. There would be no more yelling at me before work. There would be peace. Loneliness perhaps, but peace.

And I was poor.
And alone.
And scared.

But I was free.

And I had peace for the first time.

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One thought on “Did endo save me from abuse?

  1. This is very insightful knowing the successful woman you are today! It just goes to show you any amount of hard work is worth it, and well worth it at that. You persevered through the toughest of times so now you are able to enjoy the simplest of things to the fullest! With stories like this and people like you, others will be able to push on and get through the tough times, so that you will have more people to enjoy life’s simple happiness with!

    -“Where there’s a will, there’s a way!”

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