I’m currently in the throes of watching the Real Housewives of New York City and Bethenny Ever After. Bethanny hooked me when she did her impression of Jill Zarin:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/69109

I’m fascinated because of the way they speak. It’s so very different than anything I’ve been around in my entire life: Utah (TGI Fridee), Idaho (We seen you), California ( Every sentence is a question?), West Texas (change the all in mah car), Metro South Texas (British, Spanglish, soft southern, Atlanta Rapper G, what?!”).

I can’t pick on Kansas because that’s broadcastese…

This past summer, when my husband and I were in Chicago and waiting in line at a breakfast place, this woman called out

like a horn:

“AW WE RREAADEE YAHT? I DUNWANNA WAYYT AHN LAHN! GAHT AHN LAHN!”

We shuddered. Our southern sensibilities were rocked to the core. I looked to be sure she wasn’t smacking gum at the same time…

Jeresy Shore. MTV

And so, naturally, this brings me to my potential retirement places spreadsheet..

Nerdgirl.

Enter stage left

I figured I had thought of everything: taxes, living costs, tax on food, tax on medication, weather, potential for guests…

But I had not thought.

Of the possibility.

Of the New York accent.

Don’t get me wrong, those that are from the NE and our friends I love. Their accents have softened and they crack me the hell up.

I’m talking about those who’ve rarely left the state. I suppose the equivalent would be an East Texas, Payette or Pleasanton accent. Those can drive me crazy too…

And on an international flight, a rude guy from Portland asked ” So where’s the drawl from?”

I should have pointed out that he rarely sees sunshine, has Grimms and ends questions with prepositions…

If we chose North Carolina, for example, would there be 10% of people freshly retired from New York City?

Would we, as foodies, be enjoying a romantic dinner only to be startled by a horn asking for more wine?

“WATAH! KUN AH GEHT UH MELOH UH SUMTHIN’?”

All In the Family. CBS Television

It’s a serious concern.

Just sayin’, y’all….